Don't Feed the Stalker

Probably the worst thing you can do is acknowledge your stalker's existence.  You've heard the saying "don't feed the trolls" on social media.  Well, it is the same principle here.  When we say "don't feed the stalker," it implies that stalkers thrive on our attention.  Don't validate their need for power and control over you.  

Does that guarantee that the stalking will end? By no means; however, it can lesson the frequency and severity of incidents.  If someone stops, they really aren't a stalker:  stalkers NEVER stop.  This is a painful, yet absolute truth that victims must come to terms with.  Ignoring or minimalizing it can be extremely dangerous, and in fact - life-threatening.

Eliminate all forms of contact with your stalker, including face-to-face, phone, (e)mail, mutual friends, and internet social media.  The added benefit of cutting communication is that it helps you recover from the verbal and psychological abuse too.  Don't let the stalker trigger your fear and anxiety. 

If visitation of shared minor children is court ordered, have it facilitated by a trusted friend or family member; one who is mentally strong and able to resist the stalker's manipulation tactics.  Any communication regarding the children should occur between thier law guardian and your lawyer, not you and your stalker.  

As much as you long to vent your concerns and frustration to friends, co-workers and the stalker's family, you need to be extremely careful that it will be kept confidential, and not used against you.  Mutual friends are likely to side with one person or the other after a break-up, although they may "pretend" to be "neutral."  You can be certain of the stalker's family members' remaining loyal to their own kin, even if they say otherwise.  Even well-meaning people have a hard time keeping conversations secret, and you don't want potentially damaging information getting back to your stalker.  

You must guard your conversations for your own protection as well as your children's protection.  The less a stalker knows, the higher the level of safety is.  Innocent details about your weekend plans or the kids' school field trip can lead to a dangerous situation.  The best motto to keep in mind: "When in doubt, hold out."

    

Past Errors in Judgement Should Not Condemn Us To A Life Sentence

A stupid choice...a nearly fatal mistake...I should have left sooner. These are the painful thoughts that convince us WE DID SOMETHING TO DESERVE IT, that THIS IS OUR PUNISHMENT for being so foolish. But do you know this thought process is exactly what a stalker uses to manipulate you?

Your stalker wants you to think that YOU ARE THE BAD PERSON. Did you ever say or do something you later regreted? Of course you have; as a matter of fact EVERYBODY DOES. We learn from our mistake and MOVE ON. Don't let your stalker hold your past against you - it's old news, and you have NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

What matters is TODAY and TOMORROW and each day after. You are making the positive changes to better yourself and provide a safe environment for your family.

You are taking the stalker's POWER AND CONTROL away - keeping him on his toes, so to speak. Is he pissed? Well, sure he is!

But YOU ARE GROWING STRONGER every day, though you may not realize this yet.

In time, you will be an expert at STANDING UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS, and looking down your nose at him. Your priorities should be as follows:

• Keep yourself and your loved ones safe by continuing to limit exposure to the stalker.

• Take care of your physical and mental health - don't punish yourself.

• Get an order of protection, a lawyer, and document everything that happens.

• Call the police for EVERY INCIDENT. File police reports, even if they won't do anything; then get copies of them.

• Build a barrier between you and your stalker - no contact if possible, or use a middle-man if you must have contact.

• Repeat this statement daily - "I have the basic human right to be free and to live my life in peace."

• Follow the law, especially parental rights access - NEVER WITHOLD VISITATION BETWEEN A PARENT AND HIS CHILD.

• Get help! Build a support network and find advocates. Let those skeletons out of the closet and EXPOSE THE STALKER'S TRUE NATURE.

• Do whatever you can to become more empowered - learn self defense, carry pepper-spray, learn relaxation techniques.

Yes, you are definitely in for the fight for your life! Don't deny it, but be brave and advance in this war. But you must survive, because your life will be in even graver danger if you admit defeat. And that is something that you can bank on.