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Oppression - please stand in solidarity against it

In light of recent events, I would hope everybody takes some time to think about basic human rights, and realize how oppression against ANY group of people affects all of us. I would also hope that you will stand in solidarity against ALL forms of oppression. This is the hope of humanity. It prevent us from becoming inhuman too. Live and let live.

Is The Nightmare Over?

No, The Suffering Isn't Over For Us Yet

Parental Alienation and Marital Discord

I've heard much talk of parental alienation syndrome, and I believe it is misrepresented in most cases. I think the fact that many moms do try to soften the effects of marital discord, pits the dads against them even more. Nonetheless, sometimes dads are the more nurturing parents - it can go both ways.

My challenge to both parents is, be a parent at all times, and always put your children's needs first. If you cannot control yourself to do so, you need to just leave, fix your issues, then attempt to become a functional parent again. If you are not willing to do what is right for your children, then quit trying to blame the parent who is.

Judges are being trained and educated in abuser manipulation as I write this - they won't be fooled by your "poor me" stories much longer. Grow up or get out. Your kids deserve a better parent than you are capable of being.


“Fathers who battered the mother are twice as likely to seek sole custody of their children as are non-violent fathers.”
~ American Psychological Association ~

Revenge Porn: Is it Really Abusive Behavior?

States across the US are creating stiff penalties for people who post revenge porn.  For those who have not yet heard the term, revenge porn involves intimate photos taken within the confines of an intimate relationship - when the relationship ends, the photos are posted online by a vindictive ex.     The question that inevitably arises, "why did you allow yourself to be photographed?" It's exactly what the ex wants you to ask - to shame her and make her feel stupid, unworthy, useless.  Victims are usually very young, and which of us hasn't done something regretable as a young adult?  Most victims are talked into the racy photos as a sign of "loyalty" to the person they trust, by allowing themselves to be vulnerable. 

Online abusive behavior is a magnification of offline abusive behavior. People who utilize revenge porn are likely physically stalking their victims too. The internet makes it so much easier to be an effective stalker. It also offers the opportunity to recruit proxies (friends) to do some of the dirty work; by manipulating them to help the abuser destroy the victim as he shreds her reputation and threatens her livelihood. You see, abusers know the fine art of manipulation like the back of their hands.

Consider what would happen if I put posters of revenge porn up on every street corner of the city where my ex lived. Of course, those posters would have the address where my OWN CHILDREN RESIDE, as I solicit every freak on the street for the ex's free sexual services (pretending to be her, of course). I'd also make sure I list her place of employment with her supervisors phone number for some added fun. I'd be investigated and arrested for endangering the welfare of a child at the least; most likely for aggravated harassment also. 

You might argue that the ex is entitled to "freedom of speech," and his constitutional rights cannot be violated. But wise up people - this doesn't have anything to do with so-called free speech. If someone actively tries to put another individual in physical, emotional, or economical danger, there is CRIMINAL INTENT. Whether that can be prosecuted or not currently depends upon which state you reside in. It looks like states are beginning to back these victims' rights up by encouraging prosecutors to collect the forensic data evidence and present it in a court of law. At the end of the day, abuse is still abuse and stalking is still stalking.  The only difference here is the use of technology.

Empty Words - Apologies Require Action

I have a simple morning routine: first review the latest news headlines, then update my social media posts as I enjoy a cup of coffee.  Today I read another story about Rapper Macklemore's insulting performance in Seattle last week.  In the same manner as so many other stars before him, those who stepped over the line of performance into the realm of degradation, Mr. Macklemore has promptly issued an apology for his faux pas against Jewish folk.

It occurred to me that many of these famous people follow a predictable pattern of shock and awe, immediately followed by a drawn out period of apologetic public regret.  Few of us are actually fooled by these gestures of remorse, recognizing the entire episode instead as an orchestrated publicity stunt.  Yet, in devotion to our beloved entertainers, we soon forgive, forget, and renew our financial support for the humbled performer. 

In fact, we follow a similar behavioral pattern with our more common peers.  Is it wrong that we forgive an occasional thoughtless snippet of backbiting of a friend towards another person?  Not necessarily; however, it depends on the context in which the "slander" is carried out.  If your friend has just used a stereotypical insult, and he also happens to be a police officer, for instance, you need to let him know that this is not acceptable dialogue for a man in a position of power.  Otherwise, you are affirming his ignorance.

The biggest issue with the slippery slope of so-called "harmless"condescending banter, is the desensitising tendency it fosters to the point where others face systematic abuse.  To illustrate, when your friend constantly calls women "hoes," he is promoting a sexist culture that views women as being inferior and deceptive.  You have a moral obligation to say "hey man, that is not cool."  In doing so, you are prompting your friend to acknowledge his harmful behavior, and most importantly, to change it.

New Hope Rises in Spring

The month of April signals the renewal of life after the harsh winter conditions have subsided. People's moods begin improving in harmony with the blooming of the daffodils. But for some, there is little to be hopeful about; the abuse remains a daily constant, infused with taunting glimmers of escape, which are quickly crushed by those in control of them.

Girls like Gracie (above) are rare - most kids don't "survive" child abuse - they endure it throughout their youth, and it's effect destroys their adult life. The saddest part of it is how many people witness abuse, yet do nothing to stop it. These are usually the same people who sing the blues about how "bad" the world has become, and the ones who are so quick to defend any threats to their personal "liberties."

 

 Thankfully, there are growing groups of concerned human beings who spend hours upon hours of their unpaid, personal time to work towards creating a world without abuse. They take it personally when bystanders look the other way instead of intervening for a victim. We refuse to remain silent about those who live as prisoners in their own homes. Our goal is to trample "rape culture" with A Warriors' battle cry of "NO MORE!

Being a victims' rights advocate is the easiest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. It becomes a part of your daily routine, and social media conveniently sends the message to those who need to hear about it. In April, I have signed at least 15 petitions and sent over 20 letters to lawmakers for the following campaigns:

Child Abuse Prevention Month

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

NO MORE Abuse Campaign

Crime Victims Rights Week

I have been blessed to meet a law professor who is fighting against revenge porn, the uncle of a woman who survived a murder/suicide, and a number of book authors. They don't care where I come from or what I can do for them, and neither do I. We work in harmony to influence sustainable change in a domineering patriarchal culture; one where power is bought, bartered for, and sold.

An Ode to Women's History Month

March madness aside,

could you pause and reflect

upon a faint light cast?

A spirit of courageous sisters

suffering poverty and neglect,

a torch lit, struggling yet to be passed.

Her battle rages forth,

though countless women have died

with her freedoms in sight.

Spiting oppressive injustice,

the life of her abuser's hands' tied;

mislead by the serpent's bite.

Stalker Bingo

How will your stalker line up his fantasy today...

Respect Week

It is clearly evident that parents and teachers must do more to prevent dating violence, and the best way to do so is by having conversations about relationships before these kids start to date. We need to have them with girls AND boys, because love and respect cannot be found on a one-way street. The social messages our kids are hearing about "hooking-up "are currently contributing to a maladaptive "rape-culture." Unless we counter-act the negative by reinforcing the positive aspects of relationships, we will continue to see a rise in teen suicides and incarcerations.

There is an event going on this week in high schools across America. The National Youth Advisory Board, sponsor of the Love is Respect campaign, has designated the week of Valentine's Day as "Respect Week." Part of the National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, the message of healthy, respectful relationships is being sent to youth at a time in life when they most need to hear it.  For more information, please visit the campaign website.

Stalking Awareness Month

Imagine that you don’t feel safe. 

Someone is following you, texting and e-mailing you, and you are afraid. 

In one year, 6.6 million Americans were victims of stalking—a dangerous crime that can happen to anyone. 

If you or anyone you know is being stalked, or to find out more about stalking, contact your local police department or domestic violence agency.

The Holiday Horrors

If there is one primary objective a stalker has for the holidays, it most definitely involves ruining yours.  After all, how dare you have a moment or two of joy while your stalker is wallowing in a sea of self-pity, and loathing those who allowed him to end up there!  This justifies every nefarious deed the stalker schemes up during the times normal people are enjoying a cup of holiday nog and trimming the tree. 

Why can't they just let it go?  Because deep down inside that tiniest vapor of soul they have left, they know that they fucked up a really good gig they had with you.  Stalkers cannot fathom the idiocy of failure; after all, they perceive themselves as a super-hero or a deity to be worships by the common people.  And you had the audacity to trip them up - you made them "look" bad.  For this, you will pay, pay dearly, and then pay some more. 

There is one thing every criminal profiler knows - the weakest point of a stalker is his own self-righteousness.  Stalkers will protect their "hero" persona above all else.  If they know that you have the power to strike back, they might back down, but only if they have enough self-control to do so.  The irony here is how much of it they lose without the wall of stability you provided for them.  The best they can do is to keep playing the game of cat and mouse. 

The question then becomes:  who is the cat and who is the mouse?  With stalkers, it seems that we are the ones who must keep the control.  Our attitude of confidence must overpower any fear-mongering tactics used against us.  The douchebag must be kept on the defensive, so to speak.  How can we serve his ass to the fool on a silver platter?  As he thinks up his dirty little deeds, we already have a counter-attack planned. 

Bring it and we will reflect it right back atcha! 

Announcement:

NFL Player Engagement says:

NO MORE!

Way to go guys!

Court-Ordered Visitation: A Daughter's Hope

     Today was the day her father was coming to visit.  In the midst of all the chaos surrounding her over the past several weeks, she hoped this would smooth things over.  Maybe he would start focusing on her instead of her mother.  She missed him a little too.  Yes, he had done some awful things; but he was the only father she had. 

     It started off kind of rocky, as he paced back and forth on the sidewalk in front of her house, talking on his cell phone.  She was anxious, and this was not helping a bit.  Finally, he rang the doorbell and her Aunt cautiously opened the door.  He hugged her for an extended time, as he looked over the security alarm box.

     He wandered out to the kitchen, helping himself to a cup of coffee and two packs of cigarettes, while he surveyed the window alarms in each room.  Then, he summoned his daughter to sit upon his lap and tell him all about the past month.  Whenever he asked questions about her mom, her aunt quickly responded with vague answers.  They played video games for about 5 minutes in a fruitless attempt to change the subject.  Tension was building as the purpose of the visit was forgotten by him.  He began drilling her Aunt on legal questions and requested that she collect some legal paperwork for him.

     When it was finally time for him to go, he announced that he wanted to see her newly decorated bedroom upstairs.  Knowing her mom was up there, her aunt stepped in front of him and said no.  He quickly figured out why and started speaking loud enough for her to hear.  After a couple minutes of touting his "lessons learned" during the separation, he walked out the door.  His daughter watched as he slowly disappeared from the sidewalk.  Her relief was visible, as was her confusion over the entire ordeal.
 

   

Break the Silence: The Victims' Voice

This video is the most compelling that I've seen.  

When these women speak, I feel their pain.  

I remember their pain.    

 
Domestic Violence: Why Doesn't She Just Leave? by GoodLifeMedia

#NOMORE #16daysofactivism #rise4justice

Revenge Porn Article

My latest article on wikinut - 

Revenge Porn: A Hurtful and Humiliating Ploy, but Does it Constitute Criminal Behavior?

Examines the emerging social problem of revenge porn and analyzes critical factors that precipitate a specific response by law enforcement. 

 

16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence

Beginning with the International Day to End Violence Against Women on 11/25/13, we are asking everyone to take part in 16 days of activism against gender-based violence.  Orange is the color that symbolizes this campaign, so please get out there and #orangeurworld in #16days!  Tell everyone #Iwearorangebecause I am standing up against gender-based violence.

Beyond Advocacy and Awareness

A Movement to End Violence against Women in the USA

"The Avon Foundation for Women, in partnership with numerous advocacy organizations and corporate sponsors, has transformed the National Domestic Violence Awareness Month Campaign into the largest coordinated women’s movement for social change in United States history."

 For more information, read the full article on Wikinut.

Sample Letter to Send to Your Elected Officials

If we want change, we need to respectfully ask for change.  Here is a sample letter you can send to your elected government officials.  Keep in mind that you should use your own "wording" to make it sound a bit more personal.  Feel free to send email or "snail" mail, using the resources below to locate your federal and state representatives. 

 

  
   Federal:  Who is my Representative?

  

       State:  State Legislature Websites

 

Today’s Date

Your Street Address

City, State   Zip Code

Dear Title. Name: (ex. Dear Senator Smith:)

I am among a growing number of citizens who feel that women are not being adequately served within the criminal justice and family court systems.  Perhaps you are familiar with the Joyful Heart Foundation’s NO MORE campaign to end violence against women, in light of a recent study funded by the Avon Foundation for Women.  It clearly shows that our history of focusing on the victims of domestic violence and sexual assault is failing to protect our nation’s women and children.  The reccomendation is to begin holding abusers accountable for their actions, as well as encouraging bystanders to speak out and seek help.

 

We believe this movement has great potential, but we also realize that legal reform is necessary to empower victims, rather than condemn them to suffer more trauma and loss.  In our personal experiences, we are finding inadequate legal and financial representation for women escaping abuse.  This, in addition to untrained law enforcement and judicial powers, is placing victims and entire families in a dire imbalance of justice; one that often results in death.  Finally, we are concerned with the inconsistent liberties taken by District Attorney Offices to avoid prosecution of offenders.  The message being sent throughout the chain of our protective public servants is, “these cases are more trouble than they are worth to us.”  Victims hear that message loud and clear, and they often choose to suffer in silence.  

This is not acceptable in a civilized society; furthermore, the violence puts our communities at risk and our nation in peril.  The time to make the changes is now.  I do hope you agree, and I will be closely following your work in these areas of policy reform.

Respectfully,

[Your Signature]

Your Typed Name

Be an Agent of Change

The only way we can end violence and save our families is by speaking out against injustice. We have the power to be an agent of change. Please sign and spread the word about these petitions. Do it for our future generations. Thank you!

1. The Stop Abuse Campaign wants to triumph over the stigma around intimate partner violence  
2. Survivors in Action issues a Call To Action For Domestic Violence and Stalking Reform
3. Susan Knisely wants to Stop Law Enforcement Domestic Violence 
4. Citizens want the obama administration to pass the Rebecca Sedwick ActTo force social media sites to end Cyber Bullying and harassment of women 
5. Molly Marion wants to raise awareness on domestic violence and help end the abuse Creating a legacy of hope by enhancing victims' safety and holding offenders accountable
6. Phillip Inkel asks THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE to Investigate fraud and racketeering in Child Protection and Court services