Is The Nightmare Over?

No, The Suffering Isn't Over For Us Yet

Parental Alienation and Marital Discord

I've heard much talk of parental alienation syndrome, and I believe it is misrepresented in most cases. I think the fact that many moms do try to soften the effects of marital discord, pits the dads against them even more. Nonetheless, sometimes dads are the more nurturing parents - it can go both ways.

My challenge to both parents is, be a parent at all times, and always put your children's needs first. If you cannot control yourself to do so, you need to just leave, fix your issues, then attempt to become a functional parent again. If you are not willing to do what is right for your children, then quit trying to blame the parent who is.

Judges are being trained and educated in abuser manipulation as I write this - they won't be fooled by your "poor me" stories much longer. Grow up or get out. Your kids deserve a better parent than you are capable of being.


“Fathers who battered the mother are twice as likely to seek sole custody of their children as are non-violent fathers.”
~ American Psychological Association ~

Revenge Porn: Is it Really Abusive Behavior?

States across the US are creating stiff penalties for people who post revenge porn.  For those who have not yet heard the term, revenge porn involves intimate photos taken within the confines of an intimate relationship - when the relationship ends, the photos are posted online by a vindictive ex.     The question that inevitably arises, "why did you allow yourself to be photographed?" It's exactly what the ex wants you to ask - to shame her and make her feel stupid, unworthy, useless.  Victims are usually very young, and which of us hasn't done something regretable as a young adult?  Most victims are talked into the racy photos as a sign of "loyalty" to the person they trust, by allowing themselves to be vulnerable. 

Online abusive behavior is a magnification of offline abusive behavior. People who utilize revenge porn are likely physically stalking their victims too. The internet makes it so much easier to be an effective stalker. It also offers the opportunity to recruit proxies (friends) to do some of the dirty work; by manipulating them to help the abuser destroy the victim as he shreds her reputation and threatens her livelihood. You see, abusers know the fine art of manipulation like the back of their hands.

Consider what would happen if I put posters of revenge porn up on every street corner of the city where my ex lived. Of course, those posters would have the address where my OWN CHILDREN RESIDE, as I solicit every freak on the street for the ex's free sexual services (pretending to be her, of course). I'd also make sure I list her place of employment with her supervisors phone number for some added fun. I'd be investigated and arrested for endangering the welfare of a child at the least; most likely for aggravated harassment also. 

You might argue that the ex is entitled to "freedom of speech," and his constitutional rights cannot be violated. But wise up people - this doesn't have anything to do with so-called free speech. If someone actively tries to put another individual in physical, emotional, or economical danger, there is CRIMINAL INTENT. Whether that can be prosecuted or not currently depends upon which state you reside in. It looks like states are beginning to back these victims' rights up by encouraging prosecutors to collect the forensic data evidence and present it in a court of law. At the end of the day, abuse is still abuse and stalking is still stalking.  The only difference here is the use of technology.

Empty Words - Apologies Require Action

I have a simple morning routine: first review the latest news headlines, then update my social media posts as I enjoy a cup of coffee.  Today I read another story about Rapper Macklemore's insulting performance in Seattle last week.  In the same manner as so many other stars before him, those who stepped over the line of performance into the realm of degradation, Mr. Macklemore has promptly issued an apology for his faux pas against Jewish folk.

It occurred to me that many of these famous people follow a predictable pattern of shock and awe, immediately followed by a drawn out period of apologetic public regret.  Few of us are actually fooled by these gestures of remorse, recognizing the entire episode instead as an orchestrated publicity stunt.  Yet, in devotion to our beloved entertainers, we soon forgive, forget, and renew our financial support for the humbled performer. 

In fact, we follow a similar behavioral pattern with our more common peers.  Is it wrong that we forgive an occasional thoughtless snippet of backbiting of a friend towards another person?  Not necessarily; however, it depends on the context in which the "slander" is carried out.  If your friend has just used a stereotypical insult, and he also happens to be a police officer, for instance, you need to let him know that this is not acceptable dialogue for a man in a position of power.  Otherwise, you are affirming his ignorance.

The biggest issue with the slippery slope of so-called "harmless"condescending banter, is the desensitising tendency it fosters to the point where others face systematic abuse.  To illustrate, when your friend constantly calls women "hoes," he is promoting a sexist culture that views women as being inferior and deceptive.  You have a moral obligation to say "hey man, that is not cool."  In doing so, you are prompting your friend to acknowledge his harmful behavior, and most importantly, to change it.

New Hope Rises in Spring

The month of April signals the renewal of life after the harsh winter conditions have subsided. People's moods begin improving in harmony with the blooming of the daffodils. But for some, there is little to be hopeful about; the abuse remains a daily constant, infused with taunting glimmers of escape, which are quickly crushed by those in control of them.

Girls like Gracie (above) are rare - most kids don't "survive" child abuse - they endure it throughout their youth, and it's effect destroys their adult life. The saddest part of it is how many people witness abuse, yet do nothing to stop it. These are usually the same people who sing the blues about how "bad" the world has become, and the ones who are so quick to defend any threats to their personal "liberties."

 

 Thankfully, there are growing groups of concerned human beings who spend hours upon hours of their unpaid, personal time to work towards creating a world without abuse. They take it personally when bystanders look the other way instead of intervening for a victim. We refuse to remain silent about those who live as prisoners in their own homes. Our goal is to trample "rape culture" with A Warriors' battle cry of "NO MORE!

Being a victims' rights advocate is the easiest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. It becomes a part of your daily routine, and social media conveniently sends the message to those who need to hear about it. In April, I have signed at least 15 petitions and sent over 20 letters to lawmakers for the following campaigns:

Child Abuse Prevention Month

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

NO MORE Abuse Campaign

Crime Victims Rights Week

I have been blessed to meet a law professor who is fighting against revenge porn, the uncle of a woman who survived a murder/suicide, and a number of book authors. They don't care where I come from or what I can do for them, and neither do I. We work in harmony to influence sustainable change in a domineering patriarchal culture; one where power is bought, bartered for, and sold.

An Ode to Women's History Month

March madness aside,

could you pause and reflect

upon a faint light cast?

A spirit of courageous sisters

suffering poverty and neglect,

a torch lit, struggling yet to be passed.

Her battle rages forth,

though countless women have died

with her freedoms in sight.

Spiting oppressive injustice,

the life of her abuser's hands' tied;

mislead by the serpent's bite.