Stalking Resource Pages

What is Stalking? 
Types of Stalkers  
Stalking Resource Center 
Victim Assistance Programs - By State
Stalking Facts & Resources 
Stalking: A Handbook for Victims 
Stop a Stalker phone app
The ASPIRE news app
The Horrors of Cyberstalking 
Social Networking Sites: A Bonanza for Stalkers? 
Howto Harden Your Smartphone Against Stalkers 
USDOJ Office on Violence Against Women Crimes of Focus: Stalking
 

Get A Life...

 

Preferably your OWN life...because I'm taking mine back!

You Want A Divorce?

     He flew into a blind rage when she told him she wanted a divorce. Then on the next day, he pretended that nothing had ever happened; he hoped she would just fall back into her place and stop her nonsense. But something about her had changed during the last few months - she was getting some backbone. 

     He began stalking her on the day she left him. She belonged to him and he had no intention of letting her go. He had to, because he didn't know how to survive on his own. 

     "If I can just talk to her and play the heartbroken, repentant husband, she'll feel bad and stop this bullshit," he thought to himself.

      The bitch wouldn't answer her phone, so he got in his truck and started looking for her. Finding her was easy - til she called the police instead of opening the damn door! That pissed him off. 

      "I'll show her; she doesn't fuckin' know who she's dealing with."

     He stayed up all night, calling her so she'd suffer too. The next morning, he parked his truck at their daughter's school. He didn't think she'd cause a scene there; he thought wrong. The police showed up with his daughter in the cruiser. 

     Now, he started feeling alarmed, thinking "she's fucking serious this time. I've got to do something about this." 

    

Yesterday is Gone, but Tomorrow Awaits

Are you feeling abandoned, rejected, and lost? Are you pissed off at your ex for putting you through this nightmare? You would probably like to see them get a taste of their own medicine and suffer the same as you. It is normal to feel this way early on in a bad breakup, but there is one thing that separates your own feelings from your ex's: one of you will be relieved when the other moves on and finds happiness. The other one will fly into a rage, thinking "how dare they move on without me!"

That, my friend is the stalker's downfall. He can't let go of hate, and he remains frozen in time - those "good 'ole days" when he was livin' the life of his dreams; he had his cake and ate it too! But you are the one who eventually says "it's not worth my time and energy to hate." You let go and refocus on the next phase of your life. You don't want to look like him; immature, unrealistic, and pathetic. Life is too short for that kind of nonsense!

The stalker always gets what he wants and deserves - those depraved things that further destroy him: women, cars, drugs. He will be miserable every day of his life, knowing that he lost his most valuable possession, and that would be you. His psyche can't handle this EPIC FAILURE. So, everything you succeed at will be another reminder of his inability to succeed at anything that matters. He will wander and search for things to make him happy, but he will never again feel secure, like he used to when he had a home.

Cyberbullies and Cyberstalkers

Have we taught our children to be so "hardened," that they don't think twice about victimizing people? If we could get away with it, would us adults do the same thing to another human being "just for fun?"

Cyberbullying is what kids do, but those 18 years and older who engage in this cold-hearted activity are labeled Cyberstalkers. The logic here is that an adult is mature and intelligent, so he or she knows exactly how this depraved behavior affects the victim. Kids, on the other hand may not be "fully aware" of the impact it has on victims. 

However, a crime is in fact a crime; regardless of age. Why then is the topic not getting the attention that it has rightfully earned? People being tormented to the point of suicide certainly seems like a social problem that a variety of professional disciplines might want to weigh in on. Still there is little discussion of it.

Perhaps we are uncomfortable with the "virtual world," especially those who only use the computer when it cannot be avoided. Maybe we don't want to raise the issue due to concerns for our already eroding constitutional freedoms; free speech could be next. What if acknowledging this requires us to look in our own mirrors and admit that we don't really see anything wrong with being a little cruel.

In Twenty Years: A Poem

Twenty years later
so little has changed.
Children suffer,
mothers distraught;
waiting patiently for justice,
our silence is bought.

My child is grown now.
It's time I speak out,
afraid NO MORE,
restraints unbound;
saving the lives of my sisters,
til each voice finds her sound.

Freedom for families
who live lives oppressed -
with faith and hope,
alive and well;
bringing forth a future of peace,
they emerge from their cells.

Two decades forward,
will things be the same?
Beyond control
or safe and fair;
our daughters will live in shackles 
if they don't think we care.

©Tammy Cook; all rights reserved.

Social Media

Social media and privacy do not go hand in hand. Limit the personal information you put out there. It may be used against you by your stalker.

Revenge porn, threatening statments, and lies about your personal life; this is typical information a stalker uses as online intimidation. If you have tried to report distressing posts about yourself, you may have been told that most networks won't intervene without a court ordered subpoena.

Cyberharassment and Cyberstalking are the fastest growing internet crimes, and law enforcement is unprepared for it's onslaught. If you are a victim, copy everything including screenshots, and seek legal assistance from professionals with a proven track record of successfully handling this type of crime.

The Voice of Victims

He is NOT the same person I married.

I thought nobody else cared about me.

Our mutual friends sided with him.

I felt sorry for him, but now…

Why does he hurt the children?

Everyone blames me for leaving.

Maybe I’m not the crazy one.

Just leave me alone!

Can’t eat, can’t sleep; I’m just existing.

When will this end?

My family deserves justice.

Have you ever heard about sociopathy?

Damn it! I’ve had enough of this.

Send Us Your Stories

 Announcement: 

Seeking poetry, survivors' stories, and related articles for the Human Rights Vs. Stalkers Blog and Facebook advocacy pages. Together, we can end this atrocity and save many lives!

Past Errors in Judgement Should Not Condemn Us To A Life Sentence

A stupid choice...a nearly fatal mistake...I should have left sooner. These are the painful thoughts that convince us WE DID SOMETHING TO DESERVE IT, that THIS IS OUR PUNISHMENT for being so foolish. But do you know this thought process is exactly what a stalker uses to manipulate you?

Your stalker wants you to think that YOU ARE THE BAD PERSON. Did you ever say or do something you later regreted? Of course you have; as a matter of fact EVERYBODY DOES. We learn from our mistake and MOVE ON. Don't let your stalker hold your past against you - it's old news, and you have NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

What matters is TODAY and TOMORROW and each day after. You are making the positive changes to better yourself and provide a safe environment for your family.

You are taking the stalker's POWER AND CONTROL away - keeping him on his toes, so to speak. Is he pissed? Well, sure he is!

But YOU ARE GROWING STRONGER every day, though you may not realize this yet.

In time, you will be an expert at STANDING UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS, and looking down your nose at him. Your priorities should be as follows:

• Keep yourself and your loved ones safe by continuing to limit exposure to the stalker.

• Take care of your physical and mental health - don't punish yourself.

• Get an order of protection, a lawyer, and document everything that happens.

• Call the police for EVERY INCIDENT. File police reports, even if they won't do anything; then get copies of them.

• Build a barrier between you and your stalker - no contact if possible, or use a middle-man if you must have contact.

• Repeat this statement daily - "I have the basic human right to be free and to live my life in peace."

• Follow the law, especially parental rights access - NEVER WITHOLD VISITATION BETWEEN A PARENT AND HIS CHILD.

• Get help! Build a support network and find advocates. Let those skeletons out of the closet and EXPOSE THE STALKER'S TRUE NATURE.

• Do whatever you can to become more empowered - learn self defense, carry pepper-spray, learn relaxation techniques.

Yes, you are definitely in for the fight for your life! Don't deny it, but be brave and advance in this war. But you must survive, because your life will be in even graver danger if you admit defeat. And that is something that you can bank on.

Please, Set Mommy Free

You cannot hurt a Mom without passing pain on to your children too. Just let her go, and they will still love you for being their Dad.

Dealing With A Stalker

When you cross paths with a stalker, he will mount an "attack triad" by targeting your strongest social supports: family, work, and home. He will threaten those closest to you, attempt to take your livelihood away, and make you feel that there is no safe place for you to hide.

His goal - your complete submission to his will. His weapon - fear for the safety of your loved ones. There is no middle ground and attempting to make any concessions with him will further entrap you. You cannot reason with him and you cannot barter with him; either you comply, or he tightens the noose.

You can; however, call a spade a spade. In other words, let others know what he has done to you and refuse to be manipulated by THE STALKER. Demand that the police file reports every single time, even if an arrest is never made. Keep them in a safe file with your daily log of incidents, dates, locations, and contacts. Get a restraining order and seek assistance from your District Attorney's office.

Although you cannot control a stalker, you can control your responses. Try to avoid communication with him - the stalker's lifeline is observing you take his bait. Be strong; take care of your mental and physical health. There is NO SHAME in asking for professional help or legal/victims advocacy, just as there is NO SHAME in being targeted by a psychopath.

YOU can become STRONGER than the stalker by empowering yourself, having faith, and exercising patience.

LIVE STRONG

Have faith - You are much stronger than you feel!

Superman - I Think Not

Stalkers believe they are "invincible," and that nothing can stop them from doing whatever they want. Thinking they are too clever, too important, or too sensuous, they take extraordinary risks.

Getting away with the "game" reinforces their feelings of grandiosity. If they do get caught, they will twist the story in an attempt to project it onto the victim, as if the victim did the "bad behavior," and not them.

They will NEVER accept responsibility for their own malicious behavior.

Truth Be Told

Human beings are not property.

Relationships are mutually satisfying because they are the epitome of mutual love and respect.

Stalkers cannot reciprocate these ideals, yet they demand it from their spouses, friends, and any other "social conquests."

A stalker is a master of power and control to get what he wants - his tools are charisma and manipulation.