A Picture Tells A Thousand Words

     He was feeling pretty pissed about the ordeal, not to mention his lack of permanent living arraingements.  It was time to drop the pretense of playing the victim with her.  An old friend was more than willing to help out; an added bonus for the time spent in her sack.

     After collecting his cash for the sex, he watched her dial the number to his old home.  The sister answered; how delightful!  Snickering to himself as he listened to the confession of the "nasty pictures" that were found on social media pages, he imagined the horror being felt at the other end of the line.  

     Let's see how Sis does helping the slut explain these pictures to the law guardian.  Serves the bitch right, trying to separate me from MY daughter!  He planned to file for custody too, just to piss her off some more.  

     The more he thought about her banging his replacement, the further his rage grew.  Never mind the fact that he hadn't slept with his wife in several years.  She didn't do much for him since he started playing around with his buddy, the two soliciting various hookers for group sex.  

     Well, that wouldn't happen much anymore without those credit card cash advances, so he started advertising on Fling.  He still new a few exotic dancers who would gang bang, but he needed to spend time find paying customers too.  "Man, I gotta get back to my crib and get me some dough!" 

    

Why Stalkers Stalk - Socially Deviant Behavior

Theories about socially deviant behavior range from biological roots to economic sources.  This month I'm not interested in the excuses that society requires to make sense of abuse, power, and control.  Perhaps I will return to philosophical discussion on it after the month of domestic violence awareness concludes.  Then we can talk about the possibilities that man's impotence, both figurative and literal, which play a part in the social disease that plagues mankind.

Today I want to make one thing vividly clear.  Regardless of what you do or do not believe, there is a spirit of evil behind it that drives people to exert force over other people for personal gain.  Allowing the spirit to control their actions gives them power to use others to get whatever it is that they want.  Embedded in selfishness, they cannot survive without certain comforts and essential desires; this is where their weakness lies. 

However, victims are not doomed to a life of submission; quite the contrary, they are supported by an equal, yet opposing force called faith.  Faith kicks in during our times of weakness, until we are able to access the strength  naturally endowed within us at birth.  The power is there; you just have to endure your pain and suffering for a short time.  Only afterwards can you reach out and grasp it.

Freedom: It's Within Our Grasp

Don't Feed the Stalker

Probably the worst thing you can do is acknowledge your stalker's existence.  You've heard the saying "don't feed the trolls" on social media.  Well, it is the same principle here.  When we say "don't feed the stalker," it implies that stalkers thrive on our attention.  Don't validate their need for power and control over you.  

Does that guarantee that the stalking will end? By no means; however, it can lesson the frequency and severity of incidents.  If someone stops, they really aren't a stalker:  stalkers NEVER stop.  This is a painful, yet absolute truth that victims must come to terms with.  Ignoring or minimalizing it can be extremely dangerous, and in fact - life-threatening.

Eliminate all forms of contact with your stalker, including face-to-face, phone, (e)mail, mutual friends, and internet social media.  The added benefit of cutting communication is that it helps you recover from the verbal and psychological abuse too.  Don't let the stalker trigger your fear and anxiety. 

If visitation of shared minor children is court ordered, have it facilitated by a trusted friend or family member; one who is mentally strong and able to resist the stalker's manipulation tactics.  Any communication regarding the children should occur between thier law guardian and your lawyer, not you and your stalker.  

As much as you long to vent your concerns and frustration to friends, co-workers and the stalker's family, you need to be extremely careful that it will be kept confidential, and not used against you.  Mutual friends are likely to side with one person or the other after a break-up, although they may "pretend" to be "neutral."  You can be certain of the stalker's family members' remaining loyal to their own kin, even if they say otherwise.  Even well-meaning people have a hard time keeping conversations secret, and you don't want potentially damaging information getting back to your stalker.  

You must guard your conversations for your own protection as well as your children's protection.  The less a stalker knows, the higher the level of safety is.  Innocent details about your weekend plans or the kids' school field trip can lead to a dangerous situation.  The best motto to keep in mind: "When in doubt, hold out."

    

No Stalkers Allowed

Scales of Justice

With all of the laws in the US, you wouldn't think domestic violence crimes should be so hard to prosecute.  In reality, the scales of justice often discriminate against women attempting to escape from their abuser.  Although we spend millions of dollars on prevention and awareness campaigns, we have not yet reached the roots of this problem; they are deeply burrowed within denial and ignorance.

Every law enforcement professional you meet will say that the problem lies with the victims who fail to cooperate with the prosecution.  Why?  Because they are confused, afraid, and alone.  Their abusers spent many weeks breaking them down and grooming them to be completely submissive.  They have little or no support and nowhere to go.  Knowing that plea deals generally result in no jail time served, they figure it's best to take the abuse rather than placing the children in unsupervised visitation with their abuser. 

Abusers don't usually let go of their victims right away and some never do.  We all witnessed those "messy" divorces where each party gets dragged through the mud.  In fact, abusers take special care to "brand" their victim, assuring that enough dirty laundry has been left behind to use against her, should she try to leave.  For example, many men are using revenge porn as a defamation tactic; taking photos of victims under the guise of intimacy, then performing virtual rape by posting them all over the internet.  Victims also feel guilty for having made some poor choices during the course of the relationship.  Some think they deserve to be punished for those poor choices, and their abuser makes sure to point them out.  

In reality, a second victimization is occurring: extortion by the abuser, with a little help from the justice system.  If you have ever acted as a substitute in a bowling league, you may have been given a handicap for your scoring disadvantage.  Domestic violence victims go into the courts with a handicap too; they have been physically beaten, psychologically assaulted, and emotionally broken and they often have the weight of their children's best interest to consider.  Judges don't care - the case is either black, or it's white.  Whoever has the best upfront advantage wins.  

Perpetrators know that the burden of proof lies on the victim, and abusers do everything in their power to make sure the victim is disorganized and destitute.  The family court appearances are scheduled much quicker than criminal court appearances, so victims have very little time to pull themselves together and figure out the best way to present their case.  Most victims have never appeared in a court of law before.  The escape itself is traumatic and overwhelming; in other words, victims are at their lowest and weakest point.  It is the perfect opportunity for an abuser to discredit his victim.

In several cases, the victim is denied her day in court by incompetent or indifferent members of law enforcement, as well as ineffective internal procedures.  Arguably the last profession to embrace technology, law enforcement is held back by adherance to rigid, oudated practices and traditions.  No longer looked upon as a career of prestige and honor, officers' vacancies never seem to be filled.  They have a defensive disadvantage to contend with as well, and often cannot handle the complexity presented in domestic violence cases.  

Finally, there is the dollar amount to consider.  The odds are high that an abuser who is found guilty by trial will file endless appeals, while taxpayers foot the cost of his rustic vacation in jail.  Very few abusers contribute anything of value to society, nor do they hold steady jobs, which means their fines never get paid.  In short, they are a waste of time and energy for the prosecutor.  This attitude is unfortunate; in reality, society ends up picking up an extremely costly tab after these perpetrators spend years wreaking devastation upon their communities.
 

Lack of Self Control

     He knew better, but his lack of self-control got the best of him.   After running low on cash, he decided to go back at HIS house for a gas can to fuel his truck; after all, he was entitled to half of everything, dammit!

     Although he was trying to get disability benefits for his neck injury, he managed to jump over the five foot chain link fence at about 3:45 am.  After cutting the plastic hanldle off the shed, he grabbed the gas can and dropped it back over the other side of the fence.  He couldn't resist a peak in the kitchen window of HIS house.  In the darkness, he could see a stepladder with a bucket of paint next to it.  "She's been painting while I'm out standing out here in the fuckin' cold!"

     He had been banking on getting a check from their insurance agent for the fire damage, but this made him wonder if she got it first.  "That bitch better not get MY money after the trouble I went through to get it."  He shivered as he looked over to the blackened stove that sat next to him on the deck.  It briefly occurred to him that she could try to pin him for arson, but he doubted it.

     Seeing a light flash on in the living room, he knew it was time to leave.  He flicked his cigarrette behind him as he casually walked off the deck.  His teenage daughter, alone in the house while her mother was working the third shift, frantically dialed for help.  She knew exactly who the intruder was.

Facebook Searches and Cyberstalkers

This post is re-blogged with permission from the Author.


10/18/13

Last week, Facebook changed its privacy settings. Previously, users could elect to exclude their personal pages from Timeline searches. Now, that setting is gone.  If you have a stalker or just in general didn't want to be that accessible, that news likely made you promptly panic. The ability to exclude ourselves from searches is a layer of protection that is now gone.  

Continue Reading on stalked blog: a survivor's tale

A Movement of Solidarity: Sisters United

Domestic Violence Awareness: In Conclusion

In conclusion to Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2013, let us not stop raising awareness for the social disease that tears our families apart.  We often balk at the lack of government action during humanitarian crisis' taking place somewhere else, yet that is happening right here on American soil.  Husbands, wives, brothers and sisters are killing eachother in what may be the beginnings of a civil war and the downfall of our society.  

We can look at gang bangers as drug dealers as dangerous criminals, but is it too painful seeing the abuses happening in our own communities?  How do you think people turn into criminals?  It starts at home, in your community.  We don't hold abusers accountable for their actions.  They learn that the risks are worth the consequences.  

We entertain ourselves with their antics - live reality tv performances are so much better at holding our diminishing attention spans.  It just isn't a problem until it affects you personally.  When your society falls apart and you are enslaved, please don't ask why.    

Evil Caressing My Soul

Weak flesh shivers from
evil caressing my soul
     NO MORE - your denied
       sleeping alone in my bed
         a prisoner in my home

First Court Appearance

     He showed up to the first court appearance looking haggard and worn.  The past week of partying helped, but it did take some effort to play the meek, jilted male victim.  As he looked over at her, she completely ignored him. "I'd love to choke the shit out of her," he thought.

     The drill was the same as last time.  Ask for a court appointed attorney, show remorse for the failure of the marriage, but don't admit to doing anything abusive. Just get this shit over with.

     She looked tired and nervous - this was good; that meant she wouldn't last too long.  A couple more weeks, and she would get lonely.  He just needed to play it cool and act repentant.  As long as she didn't have anyone lined up to take his place...

     

    

Inside the mind of an online predator

This post is re-blogged with permission from the Author.

by Jennifer Perry | October 16, 2013

Do you know the warning signs of an online predator?

Take care that you and your friends and family don’t fall victim to an internet stalker.

 

Continue Reading 

 

Jennifer Perry is an expert on digital stalking and abuse. In 2012 she wrote: "Digital Stalking - UK Guidelines to Technology Risks for Victims". Learn more on her website at www.digital-stalking.com

I Have a Dream

I have a dream...of the day when we as a society will end the injustices suffered by all abuse victims.  

It is time for men and women to rise up and confront the evil in our world. 

Enslavement has many forms; all are irresistably alluring for potential psychopaths and predators. 

Bullying, stalking, human trafficking, rape, domestic violence, child abuse, forced laber; all are varying degrees of "modern day slavery." 

Evil will always exsist, and none of us is immune to it, but we can stop it from destroying more lives. 

Cyber-evil is no different than face-to-face evil, and should be treated as such. 

If we have the blessing of a safe and secure life, we should stand up for those who do not. 

Stop the violence, free the slaves, and punish the abusers by supporting and advocating for victims' rights.

 

 

Feeling Disempowered?

Some days, it feels like we are fighting an uphill battle - we have all occasionally experienced this. But for the victim of domestic violence and stalking, that is how EVERY day is. Unsupportive family members and condescending peers unknowingly put more weight upon DV victims, adding to their sense of defeat. As a former victim, and as a family member to a current victim, I know the frustration felt from both sides. It hurts to watch your loved ones being abused, so you get angry instead. That's okay. But please, keep your anger in check and NEVER cut off the lines of communication.  They need you, but they aren't sure how you can help.  Fear of retaliation is based on the fact that violence increases by 75% after escape.  That puts you in danger too. The time WILL come when they reach out; please be there waiting for them and be prepared to assist them.

Domestic Violence & Stalking Violates Human Rights

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." United States Declaration of Independence, 1776

I could get into a long, drawn out discussion of women's rights in America, but let's leave that to the lawyers and historians. Despite the failure of Equal Rights Amendment ratification attempts and the ambiguity of the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, I believe that women already have basic human rights as defined in the quote above. In my opinion, the crime of stalking violates those rights by limiting a person's ability to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Consider the following statistics:

1. In 2000, relationship data between victims and their offenders indicated that 44.3 percent of the victims were acquainted with or related to their assailants. Familial relationships existed between 13.4 percent of the victims and their murderers; acquaintances murdered 30.9 percent of the victims. 
2. Husbands or boyfriends murdered 33.0 percent of the female victims, and wives  or girlfriends killed 3.2 percent of male victims during 2000.

In other words, nearly half of all homicides against women that year were committed by someone they knew; of those, nearly one third were female victims of intimate partner homicide. This staggering result of domestic violence is often inflicted AFTER a women announces her decision to end an intimate partnership - the most dangerous time for her. Some of the domestic homicide victims had an active protective order in place, but others were denied it, or simply too embarrassed to seek legal help; they hoped the abuse would eventually stop. Many of those women knew their days might be numbered, telling friends and family how they feared for their life. These victims were existing inside a fragile bubble with little hope for intervention from law enforcement or from the courts. The tragic loss of life for most of these women was highly preventable.

Survivors who aren't killed by their ex-partner are left with years of trauma and hardship, and many do not see an end to the threats and violence; they are restrained from living a life of freedom. We must understand that stalking is not a one or two-time occurance; rather, it is a repetitive pattern of behavior meant to harrass, threaten, and intimidate over a long period of time. According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 2010,

   3. 1 out 6 women are stalked at some point during their    
      life, and two-thirds of them are stalked by intimate  
      partners.

Incidents of stalking are often underreported due to a victim's inability to prove that the legally required "persistent pattern" of stalking incidents has occured. Most police departments don't have effective protocals and most officers lack adequate training for handling a stalking case. Even if a woman doesn't give up after receiving the typical law enforcement response, she will likey see that prosecution is an extremly rare occurance - regardless of overwhelming evidence. She accepts her fate, struggling to maintain gainful employment and attempting to prevent her credit from being destroyed by her abuser. Unable to move about her home and community freely, she weathers an extreme amount of daily stress, which slowly destroys her physical and mental health.

There is only today for each one of these women, because tomorrow is too terrifying or too overwhelming to grasp hold of. Every day is a battle of survival. They have difficulties advancing in the workplace and obtaining higher education. Most take on a posture of defeat, choosing to put every ounce of energy into protecting their children in lieu of bettering their own lives. They minimize health and wellness issues, preferring to deny a problem until it becomes unavoidable. They don't socialize beyond a small circle of trusted family members, choosing instead to stay home where it is "safe." Suicide is a backup plan for them if all else fails. These women observe their stalkers enjoying personal liberties in the most grotesque forms, while their own plight is rejected as an invalid concern or completely ignored.

There are numerous excuses provided by governments for this travesty of justice: 

• victims don't understand the legal process
• they don't get adequate representation
• there aren't enough resources for victims
• they are bound by ignorance and poverty
• there isn't enough law enforcement manpower
• funding for advocacy programs has been cut
• criminal trials against abusers are too costly and time-consuming
• there are more important crimes we must deal with

Within all this chatter, we are sending out two crystal-clear messages:

• Female victims of domestic violence, having put themselves in a compromising position, are of little or no human value to society.

• Men are somewhat discouraged from, yet with few extreme exceptions, entitled to abuse and enslave their branded romantic partners.

Until we, as a society, reject premises which systematically encourage abuse, human rights violations against American female victims of domestic violence will continue to prevail. There are numerous effective, documented solutions for changing the course of domestic violence in the US; however, our male-dominated government has made a conscious choice to maintain misogynistic principles in our country.  I hope to develop a national movement among progressive citizens, which challenges the belief that men are entitled to ownership of women, and as such, women are less important members of society.

1 & 2. Federal Bureau of Investigation, Uniform Crime Reports “Crime in the United States, 2000,” (2001).

3. http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf 

What Freedom Means to a Victim

F ocused on her family and her dreams.

R econciled with mistakes of her youth.

E ducated in humanity; good and evil.

E mpowered with dignity and grace.

D elivered from all manners of evil.

O pen to a diverse world of possibilities.

M olded into a much stronger woman.

The Light of My Soul: A Poem

Too many promises

have turned into lies.

More hatred is shouted

to drown out my cries.

He releases himself

to seek and find love,

while my heart lays shattered;

an abandoned dove.

Mourning brings forth anger

at his obscene acts.

I yearn to cry out at

the morals he lacks.

Yet I hold my head high,

while keeping my cool.

The children are watching

their Dad play the fool.

My response portrays me;

the light of my soul.

I will not be bitter,

just strong, wise and whole.

Don't Land on the Dark Side

Each one of us has the potential to cultivate a "dark side" if we are so-inclined. I could spend hours and days plotting revenge on my ex. But it would turn me into a spiteful person who is destroying herself with hatred. Instead, I choose to let go of hate, focusing instead on renewal. I think of every situation as an opportunity for personal growth rather than another crisis caused by the ex. It is an act of faith that offers many rewards to the survivor.

Let YOUR VOICE Be Heard!

We need YOU to be a part of this movement! 

You have a voice here at the Human Rights Vs. Stalkers Blog and Facebook advocacy pages.  Please submit your poetry, survivors' stories, and related articles.  Just use the contact form on the right side of this page.  We are also happy to post anonymously, change names, etc. for your privacy.  
 

Together, we CAN speak out for our right to freedom.  There are many victims who have yet to find a voice, and they are depending on us!

Victim to Abuser

I don't have the statistics, but I would be willing to bet that most abusers were once childhood victims of abuse. Those abusers who have crossed my social path fit this description well. Childhood sex abuse stories that I have heard grown men speak of never fail to shock me. The horrors create a silent rage inside of them, one that often spills out with the misfortunate women who fall in love with them. 

An uncomforable thought comes to my mind: do they target women as potential objects to pour their rage upon? In some cases, it probably happens. Yet, I believe that some honestly want to find love. Obviously, many former victims do fall in love.  But I'd guess that many fall in love with an idea of how a relationship should be, rather than facing the reality that nobody can possibly satisfy every single one of their needs.

One thing that seems very common is their ability to dissociate the abuse, either as the victim, or as the perpetrator.  "It wasn't me," so to speak.  They rationalize their justification for the abuse, but don't own up to being a "monster" who could do such things to another human being. An abuser can easily refer to his victim as being "a selfish bitch" to his friends then accusing her of overreacting after an abusive episode.

This emotional trauma suffered by a victim leads to dissociation. She doesn't leave him for the same reason he didn't tell anyone about his rapist - is happening to them is simply too painful to speak of.  But those conflicting emotions of fear, shame, and anger don't ever go away; they must be resolved before they destroy the victim and the secondary victims.  Some can resolve the conflict without a trained therapist, but many can't.

The one thing that they must do is allow themselves to be vulnerable again by story seeking help and telling their abuse story.  That is pretty hard to do after years of protecting themselves.  This is why so many decide that it isn't worth the risk, so they live instead an emotionally crippled individuals.  They don't ever find the love they are looking for, and they cause irreparable damage to the women they engage in relationships with.

I do feel bad for them, but not enough to watch other innocent lives get destroyed.  They have a choice, but they don't allow their victims to have a choice.  The cycle has to stop regardless of the choices we make.

Domestic Violence as a Social Crisis

We are well into Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We don't like to talk about it, but we all know people who are or were in a dangerous situation. If we feel uncomfortable discussing it, imagine how horrible it is to live it. We are left with emotional scars for years after the physical scars have healed. It affects our entire family. Worse yet, the archaic legal system causes secondary victimization and fails to adequately protect our children.

The only way this problem, which affects every aspect of our society, will ever be solved, is through discussion and action. Talk to your spouse, your friends, and your children about it. Write letters and call your lawmakers to request more attention to the issue. Volunteer to help victims - you may be surprised at who they are and how they have been affected. They feel that nobody cares and they suffer in silence.

You might think you know all about Domestic Violence, but you probably don't know much unless you have either lived through it or worked with victims. I've done both, and I am still learning every day. The cycle of violence is passed on to future generations, causing a threat to civilized society. Usually nothing is done until it becomes a matter of us vs. them, which further divides our country.

It doesn't have to get that far. Dealing with problems early on can save our families, but they must have the information and tools they need to stop the cycle BEFORE they seek professional assistance. That's where we come in - who better to trust than those in your own social circle? If we get the information and offer our support (not judgement) to families who are at risk of future crisis, we may be able to empower them to change their course.

Let's not wait until there is little choice but to dissolve the family. Lets start talking about relationships, family challenges, and dealing with conflicts in the home. Lets use the words: domestic violence. What does that entail? How do family problems escalate into that? How can every member of a family feel valued and empowered? These are the questions you need to be asking TODAY.

NO MORE

I SAY NO MORE BECAUSE EVERYONE DESERVES FREEDOM AND JUSTICE - I WON'T STOP UNTIL MY SISTER AND MY NIECE REGAIN THEIR HUMAN RIGHTS AND JUSTICE IS SERVED TO THEIR ABUSER/STALKER.

Tribute to a Hero

Susan Murphy-Milano was a warrior in the fight against Domestic Violence. After her Father killed her Mother, she dedicated the rest of her life to saving victims. She was instrumental in passing the country's first anti-stalking law in Illinois. Recently, she lost her battle against cancer due to having no health insurance. I encourage everyone to read her insightful, informative books and to keep her legacy alive.

Are You Being Stalked?

A resource guide for victims of stalking

No One Should Live In Fear Of Their Ex

It is a sad state of affairs when a woman stays in a dangerous relationhip for many years in a futile attempt to protect herself and her children. Then after she finally gets the courage to leave, she immediately finds herself in another battle for survival. No, it isn't the struggle to make ends meet and handle the role of a single parent; it's about staying alive. 

"I have changed for the better, while you stalker have remained the same...wallowing in your own self-pity with little ambition to better your self and MOVE ON. You can keep that old baggage of ours - I don't need it anymore."

Quotes That Started A Movement

• We are told, "just ignore it and it will go away." But it NEVER ends, and it won't end until we stand up and DEMAND JUSTICE. 

• Somebody has to stand up for justice!

• Freedom - A basic human right. 

• When will the violence against women end? Completely unacceptable in a civilized society. 
• We just want to be left alone to rebuild our lives.

• Her life wasn't a "priority" to law enforcement.  

• Have we taught our children to be so "hardened," that they don't think twice about victimizing people? 

•  ♥ Our freedom awaits ♥

•  Hearts and minds need to change for the sake of humanity. 

• I truly believe we could solve many community problems by teaching respect to ALL children in the home and at school.

• Any fool can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a Daddy.

• Survivor pride - live strong!

• No more. 

• To improve health outcomes of American women, we must prevent the trauma of victimization, which wreaks havoc on the body.

• So many of us struggle with mental illness due to the traumatic ordeal we've gone through... 

• Walk a mile in my shoes...

• Lonlieness; it's every woman's battle.

• It. ends. now. We are taking our lives back!

• STALKERS HAVE ZERO BOUNDARIES 

• Stalkers display sociopathic behavior.

• It isn't a game - It is a CRIME.

• Please join me in remembering lives lost at the hands of others, tragically and needlessly...

• Taken too soon ♥

• You are not alone

• The stalker chose who to be; now it's your turn - don't let bad circumstances define who you were meant to be.

• Some days we just need a reminder of the power we hold within ourselves. 

• We've got your back! 

• Remember when you thought you were the only one in such a dire situation? Speak up about your past so you can help others survive. 

• If you are still in the depths of despair, reach out to survivors - they have the strength that you seek. 

• It's time for us to be amazing! 

• Let's send the strongest message they have ever heard to policymakers.

Judgement Awaits All Abusers

You might get away with brutality today; maybe longer. But you will never live in peace and freedom again. Who you are and what you did will haunt you - make you avoid looking at your own ugly reflection in the mirror. You are a monster and you know it. But even worse for your puffed-up ego is the acceptance of your cowardice. 

One day, you will be old and feeble - no one will give a damn about you. You made sure of that, didnt' you? Your own children will despise you and celebrate your demise. If only that were the end of your misery and suffering, in equal measure to that which you inflicted on others, your torment would end. Except, it doesn't quite happen like that. 

On the day you chose to become god and master, enslaving those you promised to love and honor, you rejected your God and Master. Not your wisest moment, huh? Well, I'm here to tell you that because of your arrogance and cruelty, you will be rejected from resting in peace. Instead, you will spend eternity separated from your body and your God. You won't even have another pathetic lost soul to mourn with. 

You see, consciousness doesn't die with flesh - it goes on and on and on...forever! Billions of years from now, you will continue cursing your own existence and begging for mercy. But mercy will not be in the cards for you. You didn't want it when it was offered, and that's the only chance you had, old friend. That is eternal justice, specially designed for your kind. So, you live it up while you can, because that ancient clock is ticking away.

Tips for Stalkees

Many of you have asked for advice on dealing with your stalker-ex and staying safe, so here are some helpful ideas:

• You need a lawyer. If you can afford it, consider it a worthwhile investment. If you can't, seek pro bono (free assistance for low income clients) aid, or ask for help from friends and family. The legal system is very hard to navigate, particularly in a delicate life or death matter. You just can't afford to make a procedural mistake.
• Get an order of protection and renew it before the expiration date. Even though it won't really protect you much, it will add weight to your side of the justice scales. Most domestic violence shelters have advocates who will help you with the paperwork. A good advocate is priceless, preferably if the person has already been through the legal system as a victim.
• File a police report for every stalking incident. Ask for a copy of the report during the interview or phone call, and make arrangements to pick it up if it's not readily available to you. Although nothing may be done about the incident, these reports may weigh those justice scales down more. This is helpful information for child custody battles too.
• Speaking of child custody, you should never, ever lose your composure in front of a judge or your children's law guardian. Be willing to work out a visitation agreement (supervised by a mutually trusted person, of course), and agreeable to the best interests of your child (currently, it is extremely unlikely that a parent will be alienated from their children, regardless of abuse towards them or you). Show them how reasonable and concerned you are, as well as your level of maturity in light of this serious matter.
• Never, ever bash your stalker-ex in front of your children. This will backfire in a variety of was that may put them in danger. They are going to love both of their parents whether you like it or not. You can offer a shoulder to cry on and let them know that you don't agree with the things the other parent does, and let them know it's okay for them to still love both parents. In time, they will see the true colors on their own. They need to TRUST YOU to confide in you. They are under a tremendous amount of stress and guilt - don't place more weight on them. The family court is going to investigate your ability to handle this.
• If you can afford to install a home alarm system with monthly monitoring, you will be safer than you would without one. Make sure you get the personal "panic" button option. Secure all windows and doors with good quality locking mechanisms. Some people use baby monitors while upstairs. You can also place booby traps in more vulnerable entry points (cans on a string, chair jammed against door handle, netting, or anything that makes enough noise to wake you and give you time to call 911.
• Security surveillance cameras are becoming reasonably priced these days. Their presence will make your stalker think twice about his risk of getting caught. If he goes ahead with his plan, you will have evidence to show the police. Some people even put fake, but realistic looking cameras up to act as a detterant. Battery operated scout cams with night vision can be placed on trees or other remote locations.
• You should keep cans of wasp spray by your bed and at strategic points in your house. Carry pepper spray when you go outside. Always aim for the eyes! Some people put baseball bats by their bed and doors, but remember that they can be used against you too. For ten dollars, you can buy a stun gun, but this can also be used against you as can a real gun. These are decisions you will need to weigh the risks and benefits of.
• Park your vehicle in a well-lit area, and keep it locked at all times. If you have a car alarm, use it.
• Make your house look occupied by leaving different lights, televisions, and radios on. Always leave your outside lights on at night.
• Mix up your routine whenever possible. You don't want to be "predictable" to your stalker. 
• Probably the most important thing you should do to protect yourself and your family is tell people what is happening. Ask your friends, neighbors, and coworkers to keep their eyes open for any suspicious behavior at your house and job. Tell them to call police if they do. You will find that police take reports from others more seriously than they do from you, the actual victim.
• Help your kids protect themselves at home, school, and in the community. Role play situations that could happen and help them come up with responses. Let them know if the Judge has restricted contact with the other parent, and who they need to report violations to immediately. 
• A cell phone can be a lifeline for you and your children to feel safe and secure. Texting is a quick way of "checking in" with you, and you can check in with your safety partners too. Your cell phone and your house phone can be used to record threatening conversations and voicemails, with some inexpensive recorder devices.
• If the police are not adequately responding to your incidents, ask for a supervisor. Next, contact the county district attorney's office, the local and state coalition for domestic violence, and your elected representatives. You should have prepared an ongoing log with the dates, incidents, responding officers names, and resulting actions. Send letters whenever you can - it is all part of a paper trail that proves stalking and lack of response by those entrusted to serve the public. 
• If you are cyberstalked, get screenshots with the date from your computer. Be aware that most police will refuse to do anything, but file the report anyway. The laws are changing on this issue - have your "ducks-in-a-row."
• Make you and your kids stronger, both physically and mentally. Counseling is the best way to overcome trauma and get emotionally "fit." It is no reflection on your parental abilities unless a court subpeonas your private records (rarely happens, except in cases where physical child abuse has been proven). Support groups are another excellent option. Keep your body strong with excersize and resistance training. Take self defense classes and enroll the kids in safety awareness events. Don't abuse alcohol or other substances, or get help if you need to cut down or quit using them.

I'll Hit You Where it Hurts

     He already knew where she took his daughter and he intended on getting them both back. Nobody answered the first time, but she called the police when he returned later that evening.

     He began an all night vigil of repetitive phone calls to her and her family. They were the only ones that would help her. She didn't have close friends; he'd made sure of that.

     Still nothing. So, he bumped things up a notch by disabling her car. "Heh, heh, heh. Take that bitch!" 

     Apparently, she got it fixed in time for work that night. He pulled up to it in the parking lot and started letting the air out of the tires. He was stopped short when the 911 call went over the air, monitored by his portable scanner. "I'll be back."

     The cat and mouse game was fun, but he knew it was time to get ready for his order of protection and eviction from his home. He would drag it out by refusing to answer the door for a couple days. He needed to get his sob story together for the serving officer too.

     He didn't worry much about getting his "personal effects" packed. He had every intention of coming back soon. "She'll get lonely and depressed without me. How the hell is she going to take care of this place by herself?"

     In the meantime, he decided to take advantage of some free time to party and get laid without keeping any secrets. Smiling, he started packing up all the valuables he could find. 

     His list of demands was all written up and set on the table. "We'll see how far you think this divorce idea is going to get you." He started with custody of their child, the pets, and $10,000 in cash. She could have the house; after all, he'd be back within a month or two.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Today marks the start of another round of Domestic Violence Awareness Month activities. You can learn more about it at the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website. I hope everyone will put forth the effort to end this scourge upon humanity. Do it for your loved ones, male and female, who are likely to either suffer abuse personally, or to be affected by the abuse of another person in their social circles. 

 

A healthy society depends upon healthy citizens; a broken society is the result of broken citizens. We can all work together for change and renewal. We can make our world a safer place by helping victims and demanding justice for their abusers. Find out how by visiting the National Network to End Domestic Violence website.