Don't Feed the Stalker

Probably the worst thing you can do is acknowledge your stalker's existence.  You've heard the saying "don't feed the trolls" on social media.  Well, it is the same principle here.  When we say "don't feed the stalker," it implies that stalkers thrive on our attention.  Don't validate their need for power and control over you.  

Does that guarantee that the stalking will end? By no means; however, it can lesson the frequency and severity of incidents.  If someone stops, they really aren't a stalker:  stalkers NEVER stop.  This is a painful, yet absolute truth that victims must come to terms with.  Ignoring or minimalizing it can be extremely dangerous, and in fact - life-threatening.

Eliminate all forms of contact with your stalker, including face-to-face, phone, (e)mail, mutual friends, and internet social media.  The added benefit of cutting communication is that it helps you recover from the verbal and psychological abuse too.  Don't let the stalker trigger your fear and anxiety. 

If visitation of shared minor children is court ordered, have it facilitated by a trusted friend or family member; one who is mentally strong and able to resist the stalker's manipulation tactics.  Any communication regarding the children should occur between thier law guardian and your lawyer, not you and your stalker.  

As much as you long to vent your concerns and frustration to friends, co-workers and the stalker's family, you need to be extremely careful that it will be kept confidential, and not used against you.  Mutual friends are likely to side with one person or the other after a break-up, although they may "pretend" to be "neutral."  You can be certain of the stalker's family members' remaining loyal to their own kin, even if they say otherwise.  Even well-meaning people have a hard time keeping conversations secret, and you don't want potentially damaging information getting back to your stalker.  

You must guard your conversations for your own protection as well as your children's protection.  The less a stalker knows, the higher the level of safety is.  Innocent details about your weekend plans or the kids' school field trip can lead to a dangerous situation.  The best motto to keep in mind: "When in doubt, hold out."